OUT NOW! HOW TO LEAVE THE CHURCH
Part memoir and part self help guide, How to Leave the Church confronts the heartbreaking, hilarious, often embarrassing aspects of life spent deep in the evangelical Christian church to chart a path toward self-reclamation…
Five years ago, I wrote “I WILL BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR” on a piece of paper and taped it to the window of my home office in Portland. I’d just left a job that was destroying my spirit and, in turn, my body. I was looking for new employment, but I wanted to use the hours I wasn’t writing cover letters and submitting applications to do what I’d had neither the time nor energy to do for what felt like so long: be creative.
I started The Artist’s Way and, along with it, the habit of morning pages. Once I’d developed a decent AM writing habit, I turned back to a project I’d left fallow for over a year — a memoir about my experience growing up in and eventually leaving evangelical Christianity.
The idea for the book was born out of a blog I’d already been working on for some time. Each post focused on a particular memory or theological area I wanted to explore in retrospect, through the eyes of someone who no longer believed but was once very devout. At some point, the title for a series of posts came to me: “How to Leave the Church.” Could I really break the process down into a series of distinct steps — could I categorize and organize it like that? Well, frameworks may be incomplete but they are both useful and fun, so I thought I’d give it a try.
Once I decided how I was going to explain my journey from apostle to apostate and started putting the posts up (here, on Medium), a good friend who is also a writer spoke to me what I’d already been feeling in my gut: This is your book!
She was right. I was right. It was right. I solidified the structure and began to plot my course, began to compose. Until life got in the way. When I started drafting it, I was working about 30 hours a week at a job that allowed me to leave its responsibilities in the office when I wasn’t there. Fitting in a couple hours of writing time in those circumstances wasn’t difficult most days. Then, after a year, I began a new, full-time job. And, my profession was classroom teaching — English language arts and humanities for middle schoolers — so “full-time” meant a lot more than 40 hours a week. Add onto that the planning of a wedding, and it’s no surprise that I eventually lost steam with all things recreational. The book was put aside.
When I did come back to it, after I’d created the space for myself to do so (which was possible thanks in large part to my being one half of a dual-income household) I knew that I had to commit. I had to force myself. I had to get it done in a disciplined way. If I left it up to my mood, it would never happen. Habit established, vision board in place, I started getting up at 5:30am every weekday to write — sometimes for as much as an hour, but usually closer to 30 minutes. These were small increments. Very small. I just did it, every day. The choice was: Write the book, or don’t write the book. If I wanted to actually write the book instead of just thinking about writing the book or talking about writing the book, I had to actually do it.
And I did it. I actually did it. It took a little over five years from the time the idea came to me until I had a decently polished draft to share with agents and editors, and then another three or so years to get it published — a process interrupted here and there by some major life events and the occasional bout of self-pity, of course.
Ultimately, I stuck with this book not just to say that I’d done it but because I knew, and I am still convinced, that my story will bring hope and comfort and encouragement to so many people. I just don’t want people to feel alone — whether they’re still a part of the church, have already left, or are somewhere on the spectrum in between.
I also have this vision that folks will pass the book around secretly, or buy it for friends or family members who might not want to be seen purchasing it, or feel safe enough to do so.
Whatever path it takes in the world, I am so proud of it and myself and all of us figuring out ways to get shit done in the midst of all the extra nonsense society throws at us. We are amazing.
